The Soapy Moustache
by gypsy rosalie
Summary: Some bad choices on Taz's part land her with cleaning duty for the rest of the week, much to her anger and Up's amusement. TUp. A bit of fluff, a bit of humour and a whole lot of fun with soap bubbles.


**I was supposed to be working on the Fist of Iron fic, but I was mopping my floor and this idea came to me. Just some fluff, a bit of humour and a lot of soap bubbles. **

**I've also re-used a couple of my Reconstruction OCs (I hope you can forgive me), but they just sort of pushed their way in here.**

* * *

If you asked Taz, she had a right to fume. That _idiota_ had been absolutely _asking_ for it, infuriating her like that. She'd done what any normal, rational Taz would have done- lashed out. Never had she seen the like- and to be reprimanded by the General for it- well, that was more than she could take.

It had been during training. Every time Taz went into the gym at G.L.E.E. Headquarters, she was inevitably found by masses of hopeful young rangers who'd heard of her reputation and who hoped to see her in action, maybe get a few tips- which is why she always avoided it at all costs, preferring to go to the far more private one on Starship 15-A2, where she could vent her anger on the equipment without a gawking audience. And that was where she had been today, trying to mind her own business and get on with her workout, when that _cabrón_ had decided to make it his life's mission to ruin her morning.

Like most mornings when Taz ended up getting into trouble, she'd woken up in a bad mood. Maybe it was because they had a mission in less than two weeks she hadn'd prepped for yet. Maybe it was because _someone_ had forgotten to turn 'the Karate Kid' off before they went to bed, the DVD had frozen and a big purple blotch had burned onto the screen of the TV she'd spent two whole paychecks on. Maybe it was because the aforementioned _someone_ was asleep with his arm over her face, unaware of the discomfort and annoyance this was causing her.

Or maybe it was just that that was what Tazzes did- get angry about nigh on everything. But whatever the reason, Taz was in a not happy, and woe betide anyone who got on her bad side.

She lay in bed, shoving at the arm which insisted on draping just where her mouth was and messing up her breathing.

'Get _off!'_

Up stirred a little, half a snore escaping his mouth. He turned over, freeing Taz in the process, and she sighed- only to have the other arm come slumping over her head as Up settled back down again.

Taz growled. She grabbed hold of his shoulder with both her hands and yanked at it viciously, shaking her companion.

'_Up! _ Wake _up,_ jou _idiota!_ Get _off me!'_

'Huh? Wha?' Up emerged from slumber and sat up, blinking rapidly, his eyes slitty and confused until he saw her ferocious scowl.

'Oh, mornin, Taz!' he ruffled her hair, jumping back in alarm when she thumped him with all her might.

'What was that for?'

'Jou were suffocatin' me!' Taz snapped, ducking the friendly arm he tried to put around her and leaping out of bed. 'And _look _ what jou did to my TV!'

She thrust an accusing finger at the screen, where Jackie Chan's paused face was now a bright shade of lavender. 'I _told_ jou to turn it off last night! Look at it!'

Up followed her gaze, making a face and shrugging his shoulders guiltily. 'Aw, heck, I'm sorry, Taz- I was feelin' a bit on the sleepy side, an'…I musta dozed off…'

Taz gave an exasperated cry. 'Well, _fix it, _jou _est__ú__pido…_' she gave up on the insult and instead hurled the manual at him with impressive force. 'I'm going to go work out. Jou had better have dat fixed by de time I get back- or I will cut off jour arm and use it as an aerial!'

And with that she stomped out of her room.

* * *

Taz marched down the corridors with the expression of someone who meant business. Groups of young rangers scattered as she passed- no-one wanted to feel the wrath of one of the toughest rangers in the entire League- and the way she kept fiddling with the hilt of her knife wasn't encouraging.

By the time the Lieutenant reached the starship docks, her hands were just itching to make fists and slam into the side of a punching bag, her foot dying to side-kick something right through the wall and into the next room. A good workout would calm her down- allow her to vent her anger out on inanimate objects so by the time the crew of Starship 15-A2 assembled for their weekly meeting, there was just a chance she wouldn't want to smack February across the face or punch Krayonder in the back of the head.

Just a chance, mind. She'd probably still do so anyway.

Taz slid her pass through the card-reader on the door and punched in the code, impatient to get hold of something heavy and destroy it. The door rolled away and she stepped into the gym, only to be confronted by a sight that made her Mexican blood boil.

A curly-haired ranger was skating around the floor in his socks.

Taking advantage of the fact that Megagirl had moved all the gym mats out the way and mopped the night before, he did an impressive slide across the slippery surface, going straight into a moonwalk, and all the while singing a song he had written himself:

'_To-o-oby, To-o-o-by…why can't you seeeee…what you're doin' to meee…_ and spin!_'_

The ranger pirouetted and landed in a boastful pose, his arms raised as though about to take a bow.

'Lieutenant Criss!' Taz bellowed.

Criss stopped, slowly turning around and giving a nervous laugh as he saw the incensed expression on her face.

'Uh…hey, Taz!' he waved, but it didn't do anything to his chances of escaping a beating. 'So, uh…what did you think of my routine? Wasn't it the most totally awesome thing you ever saw?'

'Why de hell,' said Taz in a low voice, 'are jou here?'

'Well, uh, 'cause the…the uh…the acoustics in here are great for my voice…' he trailed off as red started to darken the Hispanic girl's cheeks.

'And why,' Taz said, a dangerous tint to her words, 'could jou not go act stupid on jour _own ship?'_

Criss just shuffled his feet.

'How did jou even get in here, _cabrón?_ Jou can't get onto our ship unless jou have clearance from one of our crew…' Taz cut herself short as her own words dawned on her. She whipped around to face the door, just in time to catch the tip of a familiar cap trying to disappear around it.

'Kray-on-durr!'

There was a pause, and then Krayonder stepped back into the gym, wringing his hands and trying unsuccessfully to prevent his superior noticing the absence of his shoes. He wasn't lucky in that department.

'What de hell is _wrong_ wid jou two?' the Lieutenant roared. 'What goes on inside jour heads- why de hell would jou come in here just to…' she couldn't even finish her sentence, such was her annoyance. She would never understand those two- not that she wanted to try, especially when they were hindering her plans to work out.

'Move, _idiotas!_' she shoved them aside, striding over to the nearest punching bag and positioning herself in front of it. She took a deep breath, concentrating hard, projecting an image of Lieutenant Criss's arrogant face onto her target. She raised her fist and took aim…

'Woah, man, she's thorough,' came the awed not-such-a-whisper from somewhere behind her. 'She's really gonna give that bag a poundin'!'

'Better it than us,' Criss not-such-a-whisper-ed back and Taz, distracted from her punch by their commentary, threw her head back and let out a growl.

'It will be if jou two don't _shut up!_' she hissed. 'Now either go use some of de equipment and make use of jourselves- or get out!'

With colossal groans, Krayonder and Criss slumped over to the weights and started making gratuitous straining noises as they pretended to struggle with the lightest of the dumbbells. Taz rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth. They were really asking for it- her temper was rising like the water in an electric kettle, and if she boiled over they were going to get up close and personal with her knife.

She poured all her fury into her punches, grunting each time her fist made contact with the bag. The familiar routine wasn't helping, but she forced herself to keep going, hitting harder and yelling louder to try and drown out the voices of her colleagues.

'Oh, man, that's heavy…'

'My gorgeous toned arms are really getting' a workout!'

_Shut up, shut up…._

'I don't think I can lift another…hey, man, get a load o' Taz's ass!'

Taz missed her target and nearly drove her hand into the wall.

'Yeah, not bad…'

'Pretty good, for a chick…Specs has got a better one, though…'

Taz spun around and gave Krayonder and Criss the full Taz-glare experience.

'Do jou have somet'ing to _say_?' she snarled.

'No, man! Uh, ma'am! Uh…Lieutenant!' Krayonder shook his head violently. Criss started to follow suit, only to hastily stop and frantically comb the curls that had started to stray from his perfect coiffeur.

'If jou two make any more comments like dat,' she warned, her hand running over the hilt of her knife, 'jou will _suffer- _do I make myself clear?'

The two obnoxious rangers fell silent at once, hastily picking up their weights and returning to pretending to lift them.

Taz gave a sharp nod and returned to her exercise.

'But I reckon _Up_ thinks her ass is pretty good,' came a murmur not quite discreet enough to be whisper.

Taz's fist missed the punching bag again. Her anger took over, and when Taz's anger took over, there was no number of restraints that could possibly hold her back.

* * *

'Broken ribs, missing teeth, a greenstick to the collarbone, not to mention all the bruising- and Criss's complaints about damage to his face, which he claims he's had insured for a thousand space-bucks….this is a very serious list of charges, Lieutenant.' General Holden peered at her from the other side of his desk, and Taz rolled her eyes. 'What do you have to say for yourself?'

'Dose _hijos de puta_ had it coming,' Taz said, folding her arms and tilting back in her chair, much to her superior's annoyance. 'I warned dem dey would suffer if dey di'n't shut up and let me get on wid my workout- dey asked for it and dey got it!'

Holden stood up and began to pace, tapping his hands behind his back as was his custom when thinking of how best to punish the aggressive Lieutenant. Any other ranger in the League would have shrunk back at a simple _you're letting your crew down_ lecture, or at the worst been so penitent that a day or two of orderly duty would suffice. Taz, however, was of a different mould- no matter how many times you told her not to beat up her subordinates, the very next day she would be back in the mess hall or the gym doing the exact same thing.

'Is dat all, or can I go?' Taz muttered. Holden raised his eyebrows.

'Talking to your superiors in that tone isn't going to do you any favours, Taz.' He sat down again, looking her squarely in the eye. 'Lieutenant, this sort of behaviour is unacceptable, do you understand? You can't go around putting all our rangers out of action just because they rub you the wrong way.'

Taz opened her mouth to respond, but Holden raised his hand to stop her. 'One week cleaning duty- maintenance will tell you what they need doing. That's my final word.'

'Jou can't be s-'

'That's my _final word_, Lieutenant. Consider yourself very fortunate- you're not going to miss any missions and it won't do anything to your record- providing there are no repeat offenses. Now jump to it.'

'_S__í_, sir,' the Hispanic girl said, injecting as much venom as she could into her salute and not bothering to pick up her chair when she knocked it to the ground. She stomped out of his office, slamming her palm on the door release so hard that the door stuck halfway.

Holden watched her go, shaking his head in despair. He didn't know what to do about that girl. She might have been one of the best starship rangers they had ever had, but her temper could- and did, on several occasions- land her in some very hot water indeed.

* * *

Taz was muttering insults under her breath as she shoved her hands into the soapy water and attacked the floor with a scrubbing brush. Every mark she scratched at she pretended was the face of one of the _idiotas_ that had annoyed her that day, and she paused occasionally to add a few stomps of her feet to the ones that had particularly gotten up her nose.

_Estúpido Holden…how dare he make me demean myself like dis…dat stupid Criss deserved what he got…_

She continued to scrub with furious vigour, stopping only when her hand came into contact with a strange metal object.

Taz looked up, her bad mood increasing tenfold as she beheld Megagirl, staring down at her with the most cheeky expression a robot had ever downloaded.

'Ha-ha-ha-ha,' Megagirl bleated, and Taz clenched her fists. 'I am a puny hu-man- I need longer than- ten- minutes to clean this entire corridor.'

'Shut up, jou metal bitch,' Taz muttered.

'Oh, I will soon need to eat- to recharge and make myself slightly less weak,' Megagirl continued to taunt, completely unabashed by the terrifying stare she was receiving. 'Then I will have a –twenty-two- percent chance of getting this task finished before next week.'

'One more word like dat-' Taz was on her feet now, her face almost level with the robot's (or rather, it was when she stood on her toes), 'an' I will cut jou into leetle pieces and stick dem in dis bucket of water to rust!'

'I am equipped to withstand rust,' Megagirl fired back, 'all my parts are oiled and made of the highest strength stainless steel- to attempt that would be an exercise in futility.' Her hand joint creaked as she shaped it into a rather inappropriate gesture, which had Taz inhaling sharply and scrabbling at her belt to find her zapper.

'Dat is it! I'm gonna shoot dis tin piece of junk!'

'Aw, come on now, stand down, Taz, she's just tellin' jokes.'

Taz let go of the metal girl's throat, turning and shooting a sharp glare at Up. Megagirl, with a smug look and a couple of mocking gestures, stepped aside and clanked off down the hallway, laughing her rusty mechanical laugh, and Taz was left alone with the Commander.

'Got yerself in a spot o' trouble with the General, did ya?'

'_Callate,_' Taz mumbled, getting back down on her hands and knees and assaulting the floor around Up's feet, forcing him to dodge the vicious movements of the scrubbing brush.

A chuckle rumbled through his chest. 'You know, Taz, ye'hd find it easier ter get done if you started at one end o' the hall and worked backwards…'

Taz looked around at the small patch of floor she'd done- a shiny, wet circle that surrounded her on all sides and which at some point she would have to climb over, getting the knees of her fatigues soggy. He just _had_ to be right, the great _idiota, _just to make her humiliation that little bit worse.

'Did jou fix my TV yet?' she demanded, rather than admit her own error.

'You wouldn't be tryin' ter change the subject now, would yer?'

Taz narrowed her eyes. 'If dat screen still has a purple patch…'

'Then you can scrub it off, cain't ya?' he teased, unable to help himself. 'You're gonna get a lotta experience in removin' stains, what with cleanin' duty fer the rest o' the week…'

'Shut up!' Taz snapped, slamming the brush down so suddenly Up only just moved his foot out the way in time. 'Jou're lucky I don't stab jou! Dis is jour fault, jou know- if jou hadn't fallen asleep jou wouldn't have broken my TV, or put jour stupid arm over my face, and den I wouldn't have been in a bad mood, and I wouldn't have had to go work out, and I wouldn't have seen Criss sock-skating on de gym floor, _and_ I wouldn't…'

'Sock-skating on the gym floor?' Up interrupted, barely able to keep a straight face.

'Dat part _no es importante!'_ the Hispanic girl screeched. She was not at all in the right frame of mind for Up's playful banter- not today, not after everything had been going wrong all day. 'Just shut up and let me do dis- or jou will be sorry!'

Up fell quiet, and for a moment the only sound that could be heard was the ruthless scratching noise as Taz assaulted the floor.

'Hey, Taz?'

'What?' the Lieutenant hissed, not looking up.

Up bit his lip to suppress his snort. 'You missed a spot.'

If Taz had been in a movie, she would have literally flashed red. 'Dat is _it_!' she shouted, picking up the bucket of soapy water and throwing the contents all over the Commander.

Up just stood there, sopping wet, a generous layer of bubbly froth all over his face, his shoulders, his chest. Very slowly, he moved his hands up to his eyes, wiping the foam away from them so he could get a good look at his assailant.

Taz just stared at him, all the day's anger having suddenly disappeared and been replaced with shock as she took him in.

'Well now you're just bein' immature.'

The Hispanic girl couldn't help it then- the laugh just erupted from her mouth, ringing around her and echoing off the corridor walls. The whole scene was just ridiculous- Commander Up, who she'd seen tearing killer robots and birds of prey apart, who killed giant bugs with his heart, the toughest son-of-a-bitch in the G.L.E.E. was standing there, dripping and looking like a complete idiot. A particularly large soap bubble was lodged in his moustache, quivering and obstinately refusing to burst, and the sight of it was enough to send Taz into hysterics.

Up looked down at himself, then from himself to his Lieutenant, and then he joined her, guffawing and chortling at the stupidity of the situation. It was about time Taz cheered up, and now she was in good humour, he intended to prolong it.

'That ain't how you clean the corridors, Lieutenant,' he said, falsifying a severe tone of voice. 'You know what we say in the Starship Rangers- we're here to get the job done- and if a job's worth doin', it's worth doin' properly.'

He picked the bucket up off the floor, pleased to note that Taz's little temper tantrum had only emptied it by about half.

'_This_ is how ya clean the corridors!' he instructed, holding the bucket above her and tipping the remaining contents all over her head.

'_Feliz Navidad!_' Taz shrieked, clawing at her face to wipe the soap suds away. She spluttered, tossing her head to try and flick the sopping strands of her bangs out of her eyes, and then she glared at Up- a glare that didn't quite reach her eyes.

'Jou will_ pay_ for dat, Up.'

Jumping into action, she gathered up an armful of foam off the floor and shoved it in the Commander's face.

'Hey! Watch it!'

'Jour moustache is all soapy!' Taz laughed, unable to take her eyes off the little bubbles that dotted his whiskers.

Up smirked. 'So is yours.'

Taz's eyes widened, but before she could demand to know what he meant he had smeared a line of soapy foam across her upper lip, crowing about what a 'fine old man' she looked with it.

The muscles in the Lieutenant's sides felt like they were going to split- but to allow herself to double over laughing would be to admit defeat in the little water battle. Instead, she took a few steps back, and then launched herself forward, taking a leaf out of Criss's book and taking advantage of the slippery floor to project herself right into Up, tackling him to the ground.

'Unfair advantage, Taz!' Up cried feebly, although he couldn't keep the goofy, childish smile off his face, and the next few minutes were spent in a playful, and very slippery, wrestling match.

'Eat soap, _Commander!'_ Taz shouted, pinning her opponent on the ground and raised a fistful of bubbles above her head. Up took in her pretend battle cry, the mischievous glint in her eyes, the smile that was threatening to break her face. It was such a relief to see her happy after everything she'd been through today- and, if truth be told, it was the first time since she was quite a young girl he could remember seeing Taz acting quite like this- letting all her inhibitions go, forgetting her near-constant anger.

It made him wonder…

He couldn't sure she wouldn't kill him for trying, even in her current frivolous mood- but for some reason he couldn't restrain himself. Up sat up abruptly before Taz could smush the soap into his face, put his hand under her chin and pressed his mouth very gently against hers.

It only lasted for a moment, probably not even a full second in total, but as soon as Up pulled away he panicked. Taz's face was frozen, her expression giving nothing away. She hadn't, as part of him expected, flown instantly into a rage, but the naughty smile she'd had just a little while ago was gone.

'Oh,' Up said, fidgeting uncomfortably with his moustache and avoiding looking her in the eyes, 'sorry…I, uh…'

'Jou should be.'

The flutter of excitement at having kissed Taz immediately deflated. 'Really, Taz, it was only for a second- I'm s-'

'_Dat's_ not how jou kiss someone, Commander. What was it jou were just sayin'- dat if somet'ing's worth doing it's worth doing properly?'

And she grabbed hold of his face and kissed him fiercely, forcefully.

It couldn't exactly be called a romantic situation- or even a predictable one- they were still covered in Taz's cleaning-up water, she didn't taste sweet at all, but like some sort of cleaning product, but Up was still in a daze.

When he pulled back this time, the mischievous glint in the girl's eyes was back, and his moustache was stuck to her lower lip, fizzing and foaming with soap suds.

'Now _dat_ is how jou kiss someone!'

A wicked smile stretched across her face and Up's own mouth followed suit.

'Well, maybe I should practise that, huh?'

When Taz didn't pummel him for suggesting it, he leaned forward, brought his face very close to hers-

'Commander! Lieutenant!'

Up and Taz jumped apart and scrambled to their feet, frantically forcing their hands into salutes as General Holden surveyed the pair of them, eyebrows raised far beyond the normal range. 'What do you think you're doing?'

'Uh…cleaning?' Up volunteered. Holden just narrowed his eyes.

The two rangers looked down at themselves- respected leaders of the Galactic League of Extraterrestrial Exploration, filthy, wet and soapy, Up's moustache dangling from the Lieutenant's jaw and resembling a loofah more than a piece of facial hair, and the floor less than half-done.

Well, _this _was going to take some explaining…


End file.
